I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
