operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
