I'm lost and stupid without you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
