I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
