My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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