i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
