Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
