That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
