we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
