I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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