I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
