party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
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I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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