So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
