hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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