I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
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I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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