capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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