the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize