She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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