I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
