just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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