meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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