bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
