as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
