He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
