weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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