I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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