Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
