my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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