im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
