He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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