It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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