Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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