Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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