I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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