It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
