there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
