So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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