my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
