dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
