is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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