we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
