my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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