were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.