maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.