shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wish you could order shots online.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
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Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him