I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
