in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go