Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.