So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.