So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
