They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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