the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
