Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
