im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
