The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
