i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
