I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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