i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
