i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
