I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
