I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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