I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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