how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
