I feel like I'm in dance class right now
time to smoke my breakfast
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
