Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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