Three words: puerto rican gang bang
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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