Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The Olympian is in my bed
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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