he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
