Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
