You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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