i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
