awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
