Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
