Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
