EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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