I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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