My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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