i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
