in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
