my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
