he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
