Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
