And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
