elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
