It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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