Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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