Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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