arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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