Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
