It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Randomize