Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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