what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
