Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
