He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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