I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
