I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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